Day # 35 Ritual

Lo these many years ago, when The Kid did not tower above me, smirking in teen-aged satisfaction, the homemade holiday cards began.  Ever since I painted a fake "Mom" tattoo on my son's four-year-old bicep and we both donned elf hats, the tradition has continued.  Be careful what you start.  From the original "When Elves Go Bad" right up through "Have an Un-Dead Christmas" we have been churning out the holiday cards and confusing or amusing relatives and friends.

This year's content is top secret, of course, but the annual ritual is not.  First there is the conception, the germ of the card's identity to be.  Then there is the process of convincing the other two participants that their ideas are crazy talk and only your idea will work.  Then the giving into others desires and finally some manufacturing of costumes or props.  Pictures are taken, pictures are printed and then the assembly begins.

The blank cards are laid out, the photos are cemented in the appropriate spot and the clever holiday greetings penned inside.  Occasionally there are cautionary remarks penned for specific receivers (never by me) and then the cards are shipped off to delight, confuse or offend as the case might be.  Cards with smiling Baby Jesus-es in the manger are not what we are sending.

There is the annual debate, I call it the debate of remorseful second-thoughts, where a few "straight" cards are sent to those persons of the flock who are the least likely to understand or the most likely to be offended, at our paltry attempt to thwart Hallmark.  I am not a party to this deception I am proud to say.  Yes, you are reading the smugness in my voice.

This year I opted for a printed message insert that is glued to the inside of the card.  Not only does it save me time but the separate fonts of this years card are part of the joke.  I am also proud that this years card contains not only a footnote to explain the cultural reference that makes up the cards raison-de-etre but also contains a foot note to the foot note.

The first batch of cards are assembled, addressed and stamped.  These are the long distance cards that go out today.  Batch two goes out tomorrow.  Members of the flock who rejoice in old BBC film and television will embrace this years selection while those that don't will sigh once again at this years offering before tossing it in the refuse or hiding it behind the good cards.  My deepest holiday wish is that at least one person will alleviate their confusion by means of the foot notes.  Its all as clear as a star in the sky.